Discipline in Child Rearing
Discipline
All of us have heard of parents who were abusive to their children. That is a devastating reality. We hate to hear of such things, but we know that in a fallen world, where people live in sin and apart from God, abuse will sadly exist. Anytime an adult mistreats a child, it is tragic. The Christian parent should never be guilty of harming the little one God has entrusted to their care. Yet as parents, we often feel the tension between abuse and proper discipline.
In this article, I want to address the subject of biblical discipline and encourage Christian parents not to adopt unscriptural practices in raising their children.
Discipline Is Not Abuse
The Bible makes it clear that discipline is not abuse. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” The social attitude of our day largely disagrees with this teaching, but the Christian parent must decide whom to listen to. Society says it is hateful to discipline; God says it is hateful not to discipline. Who is right? As Christian parents, we know the answer.
The Bible also teaches that discipline is an essential part of raising children. Proverbs 23:13–14 says, “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell.” And Proverbs 29:15 adds, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”
These verses do not guarantee that a disciplined child will never sin or automatically enter heaven. Instead, they teach a principle: proper, loving discipline is an essential part of raising children who grow in wisdom and gain a right understanding of God.
The Purpose of Discipline
Hebrews 12:11 explains the purpose of discipline: “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Discipline is never pleasant in the moment, but it is necessary to produce lasting fruit.
When we understand this, we see why biblical discipline is not abuse. In fact, failing to discipline is a form of hatred (Proverbs 13:24), because it withholds from the child what is necessary for their growth and eternal good.
Practical Help for Parents
As a parent, you may feel frustrated: “What am I supposed to do? I’ve tried to discipline, and it didn’t work!” Be encouraged—your child is not hopeless. I have walked through this process with four children and am in it with a fifth. There is hope. Here are some practical principles to guide you:
- Remember your God-given authority.
God has given you—not anyone else—the authority and responsibility to raise your child (Ephesians 6:1–4; Colossians 3:20; Exodus 20:12). Children are commanded to obey their parents. This expectation must be established in your home. - Accept that discipline may involve discomfort.
Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Loving discipline confronts foolishness so that it does not grow unchecked into adulthood. - Discipline in the right spirit.
Discipline should never be carried out in anger or embarrassment. Most abuse happens when a parent loses control. Discipline must be calm, measured, and motivated by love, never vengeance. - Make expectations clear.
It is unfair to punish a child for something he did not know was wrong. Be clear about what you expect, and make sure your words match your actions. Discipline should be for disobedience, not childishness. Children should not be punished for simply being children. - Follow a consistent process.
Decide ahead of time what discipline will look like. A healthy process might include:- Taking the child aside privately.
- Explaining clearly what they did wrong and how they had been warned.
- Administering the agreed-upon consequence.
- Praying with them and extending forgiveness.
- Affirming your love through words and affection.
- Releasing the matter, not bringing it up again (1 Corinthians 13:5).
This process ensures that discipline is corrective, not destructive.
The Ultimate Goal
Discipline has many benefits: it helps children behave, equips them to be responsible adults, and brings peace to the home. But these are not the ultimate goals. The highest purpose of discipline is to lead a child to recognize their need for God’s forgiveness, which is found only in Jesus Christ.
Parents, remember: biblical discipline is not about breaking your child’s spirit but about shaping their heart to see their sin and their Savior. The goal is not merely well-behaved children, but children who come to know and follow Christ.